Feel suicidal feel as though my life is ruined!?

I can't live like this any more my mum is an alcoholic I just don't know what to do I live with my dad and everytime I go to see her it seems as though she's had a drink. I feel sexually confused and I don't know why all I want is my life back I mean things never seemed as bad years ago as I was just a child and I was naive. Life goes on and you pick up on it the alcoholism. I get these intrusive thoughts of a homo nature that came on for no reason all I want is my life back I can't understand why this has happened everything seems **** I just want to have my life back the way it was 3 months ago I mean my mum would still be an alcoholic but it's just 1 less burden of your shoulders. I need reassurance how can I overcome this... I just want my life back as a straight teenager I'm still attracted to girls etc...but why are these intrusive homo thoughts there why has this happened out the blue? It just seems that I'll come to my mum in my time of need and she can't help as she drinks... I just want my life back and I feel suicidal it just seems a way to escape feeling content with everything... As I'm no longer suffering. Please help me I just want my life back on track I want to be the way i was 3 months ago life seemed so much better back then compared to now. All I want is life as a straight teenager, who can go on to have a family and a wife and kids. Only positive answers please as I can no longer cope.